Epic Fail

Alright, it’s official. I suck at this blogging thing and REALLY suck at this healthy lifestyle thing. I’ve fallen back again….waaaay back. I want this so bad yet I ALWAYS self destruct. As soon as I have a bad day I turn right to the food. I will say, in my defense, there have been a lot of bad days lately. So…a run down of my life for the last 6 months:

  • Boyfriend left
  • Finally found a rental…2 hours north of where I lived and away from everybody I know
  • Second job ended
  • In December boyfriend and I decide to try to work it out, but at a distance
  • Nothing changes….I end it (last week)
  • Ex decides he wants custody of my son
  • He loses, but there’s a ridiculous visitation schedule I have to abide by now (he lives a few states away and is known for not showing up when we’re supposed to meet or forgetting him at daycare)
  • My parents sell their house and buy one in Arizona (we live in NH), which leaves me pretty much all alone in New England
  • My daughter hates living here and her school, because it’s too easy

Alright, that’s enough bitching. I’ve been stressed, lonely, and snowed in. And you know what makes it worse? I know that despite all of it there is NO excuse for allowing myself to be a fat ass. So, here I am once again. Third time’s the charm? Maybe? I hope….

We’re going to start with baby steps.

I’ve posted before about how important water is in A Sea of Coffee. Knowing this I still don’t remember the last time I had an actual drink of water. So I went out and bought a package of Poland Spring sports bottles. Did you know I should be drinking 5 and 1/3 of these per day? I know I’m dehydrated. My body has been hurting, I’m always thirsty, my skin is dry and breaking out (I’m in my 30’s damn it I shouldn’t break out), and my brain is just a fog. So I’ve decided I’m going to spend the next 3 days focusing on drinking enough water before jumping into a diet regimen. I’m not going to change too much on how I eat because I want to see the actual results of just the water being added.

Once these three days are up I’ll be going hard with a 7 day cleanse diet before hitting the 21 Day Fix again. I love the 21 Day Fix and it really helped last time. I think I need a 7 day cleanse in the beginning just to give me a bit of a boost.

Need to know how much water you should drink? Take your weight in pounds and divide it by 2. Now turn those lbs to oz. That is how many ounces you should be drinking.

Bottoms up!

 

Portion Based Diet

Good morning everybody!

It’s a beautiful day outside, although it’s looking pretty chilly. The sun is shining and I’m feeling great!

I wanted to talk a little bit about the lifestyle change I’ve made recently. I don’t know about you, but I always failed at this dieting stuff because I was craving things or always felt like I was starving. I don’t know if it was because it was all in my head or if it was legitimately my body crying out for certain things that it wasn’t getting. Maybe I’m just THAT ready for change? Either way I have to tell you that I have had zero of that this week, which is unheard of. I’m always “in the mood” for something. Do you get cravings and REALLY NEED a certain type of food? Are you still hungry when all is said and done while dieting? Maybe this is for you, too.

Now, I’m basing my diet off of the 21 Day Fix Diet. There is an amazing amount of information out there about this diet, which is helpful. Hop onto Pinterest and you’ll find a million different recipes and the break down of how many of each “container” are in the recipe. There are very few things that are fully excluded from this diet. Sure the usual cakes, junk food, and alcohol are no go’s. BUT I’ve found a lot of different recipes that are great substitutes for your normal snacks and desserts.

There are 2 different levels of the diet I guess you would call it. There is a formula that will help you determine how much of everything you’re allowed to eat. I’m on the highest level ’cause I’m a super fatty. Let me give you an idea of what I’m allowed to eat on a daily basis.

  • 4 cups of fruit
  • 6 cups of vegetables
  • 4 and a half cups of protein
  • 2 cups of carbs
  • 1/3 cup of fats/cheese
  • 2 TBS seeds/salad dressing
  • 6 tsp nut butter/oils

I know that looking at numbers doesn’t even begin to allow somebody to visualize just how much food that is. I’m going to show you…it’s a MOUNTAIN of food! The below picture is from my lunch today. It includes 2 servings of veggies, 1 serving of fruit, 1 dressing serving, and 2 protein serving, and my dressing for the day. As you can see that is one large salad! It included 1 cup of Romaine Lettuce, another cup filled with carrots, celery, and cucumber, 2 boiled eggs chopped, 3/4 cup of chicken breast, 1/2 cup of apple, and 1/2 cup of grapes. I used 2 tbsp of low fat Greek Dressing. With breakfast and now lunch over this doesn’t even bring me to my HALF WAY mark of available food.

I will say that I have yet to finish all of my available food in any given day. I’ve heard varying things as far as carrying servings over to future days. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you were actually hungry and needed the food. What you DO need to make sure of while doing this program is that even if you don’t eat everything, make sure you try to eat the required variety. You can’t eat all protein and carbs and forget about your fruits and veggies. Doing this will be inviting that little craving demon to come crawling back into your life! And nobody wants him around!

Also, don’t forget about your water intake! This is important regardless of your lifestyle. Replacing your normal beverages with water will help tremendously in keeping you healthy and probably losing a little weight as well. Check out my previous blog A Sea of Coffee to see exactly how much you should be drinking and all of the amazing benefits.

I know this post wasn’t the longest or even the most informative. It’s just a little piece of what’s to come. I hope you don’t mind recipes? I’ll be sharing lots of them with you as I create them and make them for you. I’m no food blogger so you’ll have to cope with my not awesome food pictures to come 🙂

I have been considering sharing what I’m eating on a daily basis with everybody to give you some ideas of what I’m doing, and to keep myself on track. What are your thoughts on such things?

 

Hitting Rock Bottom

Anybody who has read my posts could have seen that I struggle to feel even a little good about myself. I blame things in my relationship on my weight. I have cried in the shower more times than I would like to admit. I disappeared from here as my whole life seemed to have gone up in flames. I didn’t take care of myself through the destruction. I slipped and gained all of the weight right back, not that I had managed to lose a lot. My heart still hurts, and the stress is eating away at me day in and day out, but I have come to peace with the changes in life and am ready to move forward.

All of my concerns for my relationship were not in vain. Although none of the issues were about me, but about his own mental demons, my fears came to light. He is leaving. This happened days after my last post. We have been living together still for the last 2 months and have 1 more to go. During my hiatus I have been trying to come to terms with this and understand how it’s happened. How does somebody who still says they’re madly in love with you still want to leave? Mental illness is a bitch that’s all I know. Not only have I been struggling with the heartbreak, but the financial burden of it all as well. I’ve applied for a mortgage that is supposedly impossible not to get, though I’m not holding my breath. I’ve been hunting down apartments and looking at houses. Do you know how difficult it is to find a rental with dogs? Did I mention one of the dogs is a pitbull? I’ve started working a second job to attempt to make ends meet and save to move. I’ve been trying to keep my kids together through all of this. My daughter is an emotional mess between losing the only father figure she ever had to leaving a school she loves and her sports teams. So, naturally I turned to food to suppress the sadness, anger, and fear of what’s to come.

I spent two months wallowing in ice cream and fast food. Finally one day I looked in the mirror as I got out of the shower. I mean REALLY looked at myself. I was ashamed. Not just because I’ve gained weight, but because of how I let myself go mentally and emotionally. What happened to the strong person that I use to be? Where the hell was she? In that moment I decided enough was enough. How could I try to teach my children to be strong and independent individuals if I couldn’t do it myself? How could I tell them that they need to love every inch of their body and to appreciate their mind if I couldn’t do it? How can I look at them and let them know that they can’t allow otShower Cryinghers to bring them down and to effect their mental and emotional well being when I allowed it? That’s it. I’m done. All of these new changes are here having been forced upon me. It’s time to make a complete change. Screw everybody who made me feel like crap including that little voice inside of my head. I’ve never actually felt so ready for change as I do now. I want this.

I started my new lifestyle, let’s not call it a diet, on Monday. I already feel SO much better. No more of this “let’s take baby steps” crap. I jumped right in. I’ve started using the 21 Day Fix plan which so far is AMAZING! I can tell you that I haven’t finished my allotted food at all this week. I’ve been so full. I’ve been drinking more than enough water and have been doing the T25 Focus Workouts. Can I tell you that for 25 minutes of working out I feel dead after. Once I shower though my energy level is already soaring.

For the first time in years I actually feel good about myself. I’ve lost 5.2lbs already and it’s only been 3 full days. I feel full and satisfied. I have more energy despite working 65 hours a week and being a single mom of 2. This. Is. Amazing. I seriously hope that any of you out there that are teetering where I was fall over to this side of the fence. Let’s do this together. I’ll be sharing a lot of information about the 21 Day Fix as we move forward including some recipes.

Have any of you tried the 21 Day Fix? What were your results?

Moving my Fat Butt….

I haven’t weighed myself in several days now. I decided to stop obsessing and stepping on the scale once or twice a day. I have given up and will now only pull that cursed hung of plastic out from under the closet once per week. I’m concerned about tomorrow. I don’t feel like I’ve lost any weight. I don’t feel any different. My clothes fit the same. I’m eating fairly healthy.

So what should be the next change? Exercise seems to be one piece that I’m missing. Contrary to what you may believe I use to love to exercise. I went to the gym at least once a day, many times up to three times a day. I was obsessive with it. It seems to be how I’m made up. I’m actually a member of a gym, but I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve been there. Honestly, I find the gym boring. I use to go with friends, but I have nobody locally any more. I’d much rather be outside. So, I decided to start walking more. I think it’s a good gateway back into the world of working out.

I dragged my daughter out for a hike on Monday. I’m not positive how long we went, but using google eIMG_1084arth it looks to be about 3 miles. We live on 16 acres with state forests behind us. We started out down through our property to the snowmobile trail that runs perpendicular to us, and made our first stop the cow field. Unfortunately the cows were just too far away to get some good photographs of them, of course I didn’t think to bring my telephoto lens.

After attempting to convince them to come closer by mooing, whistling, calling, tapping the gate, etc we finally gave up and made our way to a pond that is situated right in the middle of the state forest. I mean, no trail actually goes to this pond. Well, maybe on the other side of the pond, but not from where we are. It’s a peaceful place. In the early spring there were a few pairs of herons nesting in the trees. There are at least 4 beaver dams spotted through the area, and you can see stumps of trees where they had taken trees. There was one very large tree with scrape marks from their teeth that I think they had underestimated. They hardly made a dent in it.

Today I took Halo on a quick walk during a break at work. We just went down our dirt driveway, turned right onto our road, took another right onto a little cul-de-sac, and then came back. It was interesting to me that although I was hot and sweaty during our hike I wasn’t really sore at all. Today my joints felt like they were going to die doing this 3/4 of a mile walk. My right side from the waist down was stiff and had shooting pain. Does anybody actually stretch before walking? Maybe I should start. I’m wondering if the surface has something to do with it. I was on a natural surface almost the whole time on Monday, yet this was a sand driveway and the street where I was sore. I’ll be heading out in the woods shortly again for a small little hike around the property and to let our dogs run. It’ll be interesting to see if there’s a difference.

I added a couple of mobile apps to my phone for walking. I’m not sure how much I like them yet, because I’ve only used them once. I really like the concept of one of them. This app is called WoofTrax. Being an animal lover I was drawn to thithumbnail_Screenshot_20160824-151228s right away. Once you download the app you can create a profile for each of your dogs and choose a shelter or rescue. Every time you take your dog for a walk you choose the dog you’re walking and carry your phone along. Every time you walk your dog they donate to your rescue of choice. You’re walking anyway, might as well help animals in need while doing it!

The second app that I downloaded is MapMyWalk. This app seems like it’s going to be great. I tried it out for the first time today on the short walk I took Halo on earlier. I like that it saves your previous walks so you can see how you’ve improved, or can choose a same walk based on time/distance. You can also see routes that others took in your area. I was surprised to see routes from at least 4 different people just off of my street alone. You can also set goals, follow training plans, and choose how you completed your route (bike, jog, run, walking dog, etc). You can add friends for support as well. I’d love for all of you who download the MapMyWalk app to find me and add me as a friend. You can find me by searching for my email address, pittylova@hotmail.com.

You can download both apps at the Google Play Store, or at the iTunes Store for iPhone. They are both my favorite kind of apps, FREE!

Do you find that you’re body reacts differently from exercising on different surfaces? Do you have any mobile app suggestions that can help with exercise or weight loss?

How Did I Get Here?

Weight effects us in so many ways. We have the obvious effects. When we first start to gain there’s the issue of our jeans becoming a little snug, that sexy, black dress doesn’t fall just right anymore, and the bands on our underwear begin to scoot off of our growing rumps from the elastic stretching. Not long after it becomes more and more difficult to get around. Walking up the stairs causes you to lose your breath, playing games outside becomes increasingly more strenuous, and your energy plummets. Then come the health concerns. Your joints hurt, you have all sorts of aches and pains, maybe you can’t sleep well any more, you run the risk of high blood pressure, diabetes is a word thrown around all too often, liver disease, heart disease, kidney disease, and this only names a few. One of the ways it effects many of us isn’t a disease, and it isn’t visible. I don’t often hear the mental and emotional struggles spoken of too often.

Anybody who knows me on a personal level will tell you for certain that I’m a quiet, unemotional person. Only those the closest to me know otherwise, and even I surprise them some times when I talk about what’s going on inside this head of mine. The truth is for as long as I can possibly remember I’ve built a wall. And I mean, this is one serious wall. It’s no flimsy piece of drywall, I’m talking steel surrounded by stone. Like…I think my wall outdoes any castle in history. Emotion is hidden deep within that wall and very few ever see it’s glimmer. Honestly, I surprise myself some times! This has led to the demise of that once aesthetically pleasing physique.

wall_stock_by_colourize_stockFood is comfort and assists in suppressing the emotions. Prior to getting pregnant with my daughter my emotional outlet was much more healthy. I use to ride and train horses every single day, and I went to the gym at least once a day. With the addition of a newborn I was thrown violently into adulthood as a single parent. I lost the time I had while in college to go to the gym. I lost the funds to own a horse so she was sold. I lost the time to go to a barn and ride. So, I turned to food. I was depressed. And honestly I feel like most people would never have known, even those who were closest. I was good at hiding everything. Truth be told I would have denied it if anybody said otherwise. Not because I wanted to hide it, but because it was hidden so deep within me that I couldn’t see it myself. Isn’t that how parents just feel? Like they’re dead inside and they go through the motions of raising and caring for their child? No, it’s not how it’s supposed to be, and I’m aware of that after much self examination.

I wasn’t always in a depressed state over the last 10 years. There have been good times. There has been much fun had where I was actually happy. But at the end of the good time all it took was for me to see the pictures from that day and the downward spiral would begin again.

Here’s where this whole analysis of my emotions and mind take a funny twist.

See, I’m not an overly emotional person and value the fact that I can think more logically about things than most women I know (let’s face it, us females tend to be naturally emotional creatures). Therefore, I like to analyze everything including the people around me. I was always secretly scared to do it to myself. Did I really want to go into why I did certain things and felt certain ways? Would that force me to be in touch with those emotions? One day, not too long ago, I went into a heavy downward spiral again. Crazy thoughts began to flood my mind and even though I knew they were nuts I just couldn’t help myself.

All of us who decide it’s time to make more healthy choices have something that makes us snap out of this indulgencetexture__marble_by_mehreenfreed stage. We spend months or years gaining and feeling horrible about ourselves. I know that maybe logically my reasons probably aren’t the best, but whatever makes me change, huh? See, I’m with this guy. This isn’t our first time together, we took a break previously for his own personal reasons. We live together with my 2 kids. He’s great with the kids, and he does right by our little family. Then I went into this dark place again. I began (and admittedly still do) picking apart everything he did or didn’t do and taking it to heart. He’s not a very affectionate person by nature, and he has his own demons he deals with. My mind would swirl, “why doesn’t he ever want to kiss me, what the hell do I have to do just for a hug – I really could use one, why does he seem uninterested, he never wants to spend time with me – it’s always about his friends and his club…” The thoughts consume me at times. Then I came across a picture of him and his ex-wife, and would think of the pictures I had seen previously….”you know, he never looks at me like that….obviously he cared more for her than he does me, he has yet to tell me he loves me since the first time we were together….” They continued to get worse and worse, filling my mind on a daily basis, often for a large part of the day. I had come to the realization that he didn’t want to touch me because I’m gross. Our sex life has dwindled down to the occasional “let’s get it over with” quick exercise because he can’t stomach me. He doesn’t, and may never, look at me like that because I’m fat. My mind knows better, but I still can’t stop feeling this way. And so I decided to change.

I know that nobody should change to make a guy happy. Truth be told I don’t think he cares as much as I feel he does. Isn’t it strange how you feel certain ways even when you know you’re an idiot? That was definitely the final push to make me want to fix myself. However, I also have become very antisocial, because I don’t like showing myself in public to people. I’m grouchy and tired all of the time because I don’t sleep well from the snoring due to being overweight. Plus, I got tired of hiding in the shower to cry, because, ya’know, I can’t show the weakness. So there ARE other reasons, so don’t be too harsh on me!

My curious mind wants to know if I’m the only one who is crazy and had something like this for the final push for them to get their act together? What finally made you decide to make a change?

A Sea of Coffee

I have an obsession.  A high caloric obsession.  To hell with Dunkin Donuts and their yummy French Vanilla iced coffees.  Why is it that my one weakness shall stare me in the face at every red light? Taunt me from every corner I drive passed?  Sure…people tell me to get it with skim milk and some sugar…but it just doesn’t taste quite the same.  Although I was extremely tempted and nearly frothing at the mouth I am happy to say I avoided the temptation…although tomorrow I can’t promise anything!

Every time I drive by I have to take a chug of water to remind myself that water is all. Water shall cleanse my body of the impurities. Water shall push this fat out of my system. If only that’s all we had to do, huh? Actually, if you’re well hydrated water won’t really help too much with your weight loss efforts. However, chances are that you are dehydrated at some level. Most of us don’t drink enough water in a world of coffee.

How does water help? From what I’ve been told and read water is involved in every one of your body’s functions, including your metabolism. You know, that thing that we complain is too slow and that’s why we have an extra tire or two around the waist? According to doctors (and other people who study this sort of thing) even being 1% dehydrated can negatively impact your metabolism. That’s like….a quarter of a cup of water. I don’t know, I’m just guessing. It’s not much though!

So, what else can we do with this magical clear fluid? Drink a full glass before a meal to feel more full. That makes sense. A study was actually done showing that people who did this ate an average of 75 calories less during that meal. Alright, 75 calories doesn’t seem like much, but think how many it is if you did this at 3 meals a day. That’s 225 calories a day less, plus you’re making sure you take in more water for the day helping to keep you hydrated. If you did this every single day for a year that would be 82,125 calories. OK, maybe the calorie number doesn’t mean that much to you. Think of it like this….3500 calories is equivalent to one pound of body weight. That means by drinking 1 glass of water before 3 meals a day could possibly help you lose 23 pounds in a year. Sounds like an easy way to shed a little bit of weight!

Alright, so I bet you’re preparing to drink your eight 8oz glasses of water today? Wait just a second. Did you know that recommendation is outdated? Maybe that’s what you need, but probably not. New information is out about how much water you need, and it’s not a one size fits all number. The actual requirement depends on a few factors. Where you live, your activity level, and your weight (I feel like this has to do with almost everything in my life) determine how much you have to drink to stay hydrated. If you’re in a warmer climate or are exercising you need more than somebody that isn’t sweating and is sitting around on their computer writing a blog. You should be drinking a half an ounce to 1 ounce for every pound you way. If you’re laying around on a couch in Alaska you’ll need closer to 1/2 an ounce per body weight, if you’re framing houses in New Mexico you’ll need closer to an ounce per body weight. 20160817_084128(1)

So now that I know that I have to drink 120 ounces of water each day minimum I feel the urge to pee. Speaking of which, did you know a sign that you’re well hydrated is clear or very light yellow, odorless urine? Check out the bowl.

New goals for today. Drink a glass of water before every meal. And make sure I drink 120 ounces of water minimum. I just measured my glass. It’s a 16oz glass, but I actually get about 14oz in it when I fill it for a drink. So that means I need 8 and a half of these bad boys. Can I do it? We shall see!