Hitting Rock Bottom

Anybody who has read my posts could have seen that I struggle to feel even a little good about myself. I blame things in my relationship on my weight. I have cried in the shower more times than I would like to admit. I disappeared from here as my whole life seemed to have gone up in flames. I didn’t take care of myself through the destruction. I slipped and gained all of the weight right back, not that I had managed to lose a lot. My heart still hurts, and the stress is eating away at me day in and day out, but I have come to peace with the changes in life and am ready to move forward.

All of my concerns for my relationship were not in vain. Although none of the issues were about me, but about his own mental demons, my fears came to light. He is leaving. This happened days after my last post. We have been living together still for the last 2 months and have 1 more to go. During my hiatus I have been trying to come to terms with this and understand how it’s happened. How does somebody who still says they’re madly in love with you still want to leave? Mental illness is a bitch that’s all I know. Not only have I been struggling with the heartbreak, but the financial burden of it all as well. I’ve applied for a mortgage that is supposedly impossible not to get, though I’m not holding my breath. I’ve been hunting down apartments and looking at houses. Do you know how difficult it is to find a rental with dogs? Did I mention one of the dogs is a pitbull? I’ve started working a second job to attempt to make ends meet and save to move. I’ve been trying to keep my kids together through all of this. My daughter is an emotional mess between losing the only father figure she ever had to leaving a school she loves and her sports teams. So, naturally I turned to food to suppress the sadness, anger, and fear of what’s to come.

I spent two months wallowing in ice cream and fast food. Finally one day I looked in the mirror as I got out of the shower. I mean REALLY looked at myself. I was ashamed. Not just because I’ve gained weight, but because of how I let myself go mentally and emotionally. What happened to the strong person that I use to be? Where the hell was she? In that moment I decided enough was enough. How could I try to teach my children to be strong and independent individuals if I couldn’t do it myself? How could I tell them that they need to love every inch of their body and to appreciate their mind if I couldn’t do it? How can I look at them and let them know that they can’t allow otShower Cryinghers to bring them down and to effect their mental and emotional well being when I allowed it? That’s it. I’m done. All of these new changes are here having been forced upon me. It’s time to make a complete change. Screw everybody who made me feel like crap including that little voice inside of my head. I’ve never actually felt so ready for change as I do now. I want this.

I started my new lifestyle, let’s not call it a diet, on Monday. I already feel SO much better. No more of this “let’s take baby steps” crap. I jumped right in. I’ve started using the 21 Day Fix plan which so far is AMAZING! I can tell you that I haven’t finished my allotted food at all this week. I’ve been so full. I’ve been drinking more than enough water and have been doing the T25 Focus Workouts. Can I tell you that for 25 minutes of working out I feel dead after. Once I shower though my energy level is already soaring.

For the first time in years I actually feel good about myself. I’ve lost 5.2lbs already and it’s only been 3 full days. I feel full and satisfied. I have more energy despite working 65 hours a week and being a single mom of 2. This. Is. Amazing. I seriously hope that any of you out there that are teetering where I was fall over to this side of the fence. Let’s do this together. I’ll be sharing a lot of information about the 21 Day Fix as we move forward including some recipes.

Have any of you tried the 21 Day Fix? What were your results?

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